CEREMONY

10:00 AM Share coffee

Don’t forget—rings, wedding license, pen(s), phone stand

10:30 AM Philadelphia Ethical Society

Chairs in a row formation with aisle down the middle

11:00 AM Ceremony

Welcome and Setting the Intention

Alex: Welcome everyone and thank you for joining us! Dustin and I wanted to do a small ceremony with our closest friends and family and here you are, traveling from across the country, from other countries, taking off work and traveling through snow to be here. We are very, very grateful. We would like to take a moment to acknowledge those that could not be here with us today, namely our cat Georgianna Cavendish, Duchess of Devonshire who is a symbol of our love and commitment to each other in many ways.

We chose to do a Quaker ceremony because we both appreciate the emphasis on acknowledging the light within all people, not just clergy or those ordained within a certain denomination.

I was exposed to Quakerism while working at a retreat center, and Dustin has practiced it since college—also we happen to live in Quakertown.

We ask that you silence your phones, and keep them tucked away—we will take photos together at the end.

Silence

Dustin: In the Quaker tradition, we'd like to begin our time with silence as a way to listen to the quiet truths, admire hidden beauty and acknowledge the love that surrounds us.

A Poem (LXIX) by Pablo Neruda

Dustin: Maybe nothingness is to be without your presence,

Without you moving, slicing the noon,

Like a blue flower, without you walking

Later through the fog and the cobbles,

Without the light you carry in your hand,

Golden, which maybe others will not see,

Which maybe no one knew was growing,

Like the red beginnings of a rose.

In short, without your presence: without your coming

Suddenly, incitingly, to know my life,

Gust of a rosebush, wheat of wind:

Since then I am because you are,

Since then you are, I am, we are,

And through love I will be, you will be, we will be

VOWS

Dear Dustin,

From the moment I met you four years ago on Sunday, February 14th at Chestnut Hill Brewing Company I knew you were different. You were wearing your winter coat with the landscaping company you worked for stitched on the front, but you could have convinced me that you had founded a nutrition non profit the way you were curious and knowledgeable about my job at a foodbank.

I left our date wanting to see you and talk to you again which is more than I can say about many dates I’ve been on. You asked thoughtful questions, listened deeply, and seemed to understand me without pretense. Within two weeks of our first date, you had shared a Nietzsche excerpt with me, invited me to “talk on the phone like it’s 1996”, agreed to meet the labradoodle I was dog sitting and suggested we go on a double date with Ian and Kali to which I politely declined (I felt it was too soon). Soon after you served me a fresh chocolate bundt cake with a “simple ganache” and the rest is history.

It should be noted that if I would have encountered you in the wild, I would have ignored you for months because of how cute you are. So I am very glad we were introduced formally by our wonderful friends Ian & Kali.

You have a twinkle in your eyes that is both mischievous and inviting. I wanted to know what and how you think and that remains true today. I love your intellect, your empathy for others and also how you embrace the full range of your emotions. It is such an honor to be allowed into your inner world.

You are my favorite person to talk through challenges with and get advice from. You make me feel heard and seen and I hope I do the same for you.

You are an amazing listener and can connect with others very easily. I can always count on you to strike up an interesting conversation with a bartender or a stranger at a party. I enjoy going to new places with you and then watching you try to make this new place familiar. I promise to regularly indulge your desire to go back to the same restaurants because I love your desire to connect with others (and sometimes we get free stuff).

I promise to always be honest with you with as much compassion as I can muster, and I promise to see the best in you when you cannot see it yourself.

I promise to keep us humble, reminding us that we are just worms here to live short, brutish lives.

I commit to being generous with you according to our means and showing hospitality to others as much as possible.

I promise to always cheer you on and to do my best to give you the space to be melancholy when you need it.

I promise to call you handsome in a different tone of voice than how I refer to dogs I just met.

I promise to love you, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, during the highs and the lows.

I love that what we have together has been intentionally built over years with lots of honest conversation, moments big and small, therapy and the assurance of close friends. I look forward to growing old with you and being that couple at the YMCA who still holds hands.

Through divine assistance and community support, I promise to be a loving partner so long as we both shall live.

Alex,

On New Year’s day I went for a long run, by my standards, the longest. After running for a while, exhausting all my professional problems, my creative ideas, personal growth strategies, and internal conflicts my mind finally emptied; my headphones died—it was just exhaustion and I.

Then, I started imagining you running with me. It’s not hard to picture you, your wide-smile, beaming face. Or maybe at that distance, you were a bit distressed. But it was you, running with me. Passing each crossroad, rounding each bend, running up long hills and back down them. 

Since we've been together, it's never felt so easy for me to run in the cold, to talk in crowds, to walk in the rain, to listen to the silence, to sit in the dark, to lie in the sun.

Alexandria, as clearly as summer’s noon-time light, you are my sun, my home star in an open sky; your warmth thaws the coolest nights; your whimsy lifts the heaviest days.

I vow to push you up hills, and pace you, or race you, back down them; to lift you up when you fall, or fall down with you until we can stand back up together.

I vow to support you on any paths you choose, and, if you change your mind a couple times, I’ll cheer you on those paths too.

I vow to love your friends and hate your enemies, but try to help you love them too; to share you with a world that deserves to know and be blessed by you.

I vow to travel the long, rocky path of a life well-lived with you (and a few others too).

When you are happy, I will smile with you. When you are sad, I will cry with you. When you are anxious, I will bake bread with you. 

In pain, I will comfort you. In need, I will work for you. In joy, I will celebrate with you—and let you go to bed early too.

In grief, I will mourn with you. In sickness, I will bear you. In health, I will revel in you.

When you smile, the universe smiles too. This is my promise. I will love you, so long as the sun and all the other stars continue to move.

Exchange Rings

Dustin: These rings symbolize our enduring love for each other. Each one sealed with a vow.

In the presence of God and these our Friends, I take you to be my wife/husband, promising with divine assistance to be a loving and faithful partner so long as we both shall live.

* K I S S *

Dustin: Although everyone here serves a witness, there are only two lines on this legal document for witnesses to sign.

The two people that make the most sense are Ian and Kali, who introduced us and have been a part of our relationship since the beginning.